Author Topic: osteochondral defect mentioned in (apparent) suicide note (Read 8488 times)

airjaw · « **on:** March 11, 2009, 09:11:20 PM »

http://www.nabble.com/-scala--URGENT%3A-Please-read-if-you-have-any-information-about-Tony-Morris-to22462911.html

came across this today.. scroll down to the part about osteochondral defect...

krisj · « **Reply #1 on:** March 15, 2009, 07:42:06 PM »

This is sad, but I can feel his pain. I'm not suicidal, but I really can't see how I can continue to have a life with the pain I've been in for the last 4 days since my post-op OATS anikle has suddenly gottne much worse.

mhop · « **Reply #2 on:** January 11, 2014, 12:58:59 PM »

not suicidal, but I get it. It is really hard to be young and to find out that your active life as you know it is no more. and, pain is depressing for most everyone.

when I first got this injury I was so frustrated and depressed. I lost my social circle which revolved around the sport I love. I lost my ability to do what I love and have always done for stress relief, enjoyment. I couldn't even enjoy even hiking in the mountains (where I live) or walking outside without pain. I was clearly endorphine-deprived, out of shape, stressed with a stressful job and NO RELIEF, and negative body image from all this weight gain from not running. I felt very limited and OLD at age 30 because I could no longer run and had this 'arthritis' diagnosis. Meanwhile friends are running marathons, etc.

My (well-meaning) family of course just thought I needed to either 'get over it, that's life' OR they acted as if I was mentally ill and needed to go to therapy and get on anti-depressants. (like that would somehow magically fix the problem). Anti-depressants actually made my depression worse and made me very apathetic toward other people, anti-social, almost; it was scary b/c I had always been an empathetic person and suddenly I was emotionally dead and just didn't give a shit about anyone else. So, I got off of those and was able to recover my human-ness thankfully.

things are much better now - but still hard some days. I'm glad I was able to find a few activities I can do (like climbing, lifting weights) and REALLY GLAD for this forum. I can understand how one could become suicidal. If it weren't for my belief system and ties to other people, I probably would have felt that way, too.

The silver lining to all of this - if there is one - is that I have gained a lot of insight from this process. I've learned that I have a real interest in orthopedics and might try to make a career out of that. I'm also a more spiritual person than I was before this injury. Additionally, I've gained empathy toward those in pain. Sometimes suffering is necessary for empathy. I don't fully understand what it's like to have severe, chronic pain, but I do have a small taste of that, and can better understand some of the emotions people go through with chronic pain and the depression that comes along with that. that small piece of understanding helps me greatly in my work. Lastly, if this surgery works and I actually do run again I know I will be able to appreciate it on a level I never could before. It will be hard for me to go back to being bent out of shape over running slower than planned after years of walking with pain.

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